99 Reasons Why I Haven’t Updated the Blog

20 Nov

Did you guys know I have a blog? I totally do. It’s this blog. But I have been neglecting it for lots and lots and lots of good reasons.

1. Have you SEEN all the fun stuff on the internet? There’s this one site called “Facebook” that is just, like, a total time suck. Check it out. No! No! DON’T! Ha ha!

2. I had to get my face painted like this. It took all afternoon, y’all.

3. A dog ate my blog. Just joshing, we don’t have a dog. But the kids were off school for 3 days in a row because of a scheduled teacher work day, and 2 unscheduled SuperStormSandy days where we had to shelter in place from the windy drizzle. (Not that I wanted the storm to be bad here.) (But next time let’s stick a hand out the window before calling school off, k?)

4. Anyway, related to the kids being home, you may have noticed that I mostly blog about them, and I need them to be at school so I can write behind their backs like the two-faced Mommy Dearest I am.

5. I had to dress my family up in polyblend and parade around the neighborhood. I’m not crafty, but I will do my part to prop up our nation’s Halloween economy via Amazon and my VISA bill. And my mini-Butterfinger consumption.

6. I had to stare at my mini-Butterfinger-induced adult acne in the mirror in horror.

7. I had to commentate on the lady wrasslin’. No one would have known what was happening but for my descriptive powers and sparkling wit.

8. The kids were off school again some more for another teacher work day plus election day.

9. I had to stress out about the election. Do you guys know this site called “Twitter?” You can read a lot of rumors about the election on that site, plus get in fights with assholes you’ve never even laid eyes on! Time suck central, y’all!

10. I had to vote. Took, like, 40 minutes, longest wait ever. (Yay!)

11. My Live Arts kid drama class had their final performance, and in a last minute twist one of the kids dropped out, and I was FORCED to take her role so I had to learn 8 lines (I’M A STAR! FINALLY!) The kids in the class proved that if they could just stop sassing me and grab-assing around for long enough, they were actually quite able little performers. (Yayay!)

12. I had to endure the accusatory glares of my 15 unread New Yorkers. Sorry, New Yorkers, I’m very busy not blogging.

13. My husband is 6 months younger than I am, and he finally, as he finally does once a year, turned my age again, and I had to make him a meatloaf. Nothing says birthday like meatloaf.

14. I had to go out of the country. For five days. Without my family. It was hell.

15. OMG, we’re only on 15 reasons. Honestly this list could have comprised just one item: I find it too hard to blog and eat Butterfingers at the same time.

2 Responses to “99 Reasons Why I Haven’t Updated the Blog”

  1. alimonkee November 23, 2012 at 2:50 pm #

    Did I mention you are amazing? And when this blog is the next “Julie and Julia”, I can say I knew you “when.” Although, I don’t know how this blog could be like “Julie and Julia”. Maybe I’ll just start by switching my Reese’s cup addition over to a mini Butterfinger addiction?

    • amomynous2 November 23, 2012 at 3:02 pm #

      Did you not read that blog and think THIS WAS SUCH A GOOD IDEA WHY DIDN’T IT THINK OF THIS?! 🙂 You would be the perfect Julie and Julia blogger!

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